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How To Identify A Bully: Look For These Bad Traits

What is  bullying?

According to Wikipedia, Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuseintimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual.

A bully is whoever that carries out any of of the things mentioned above. A bully  can be anyone, from friends, family( immediate and extended), colleagues, and some times we are the bully.

When it comes to spotting or identifying a bully, we would all like to think we’re pretty good at it. We picture the typical schoolyard bully, or the racist person on the subway, but do we ever look at ourselves?

It’s easy to point the finger and place blame when we feel like victims of blatant abuse, but what if we’re the ones who are causing someone pain, without even realizing it? Not all symptoms of bullying are black and white. However, if you find yourself doing any of these  bad behaviors or traits, it might be time for some introspection.

Becoming The Victim, By Blaming The Victim.

This is one trick a bully always use……“He made me do it.” “She started it.” Do those sound familiar? Either you have control over your actions, or you don’t. As an adult, I would hope the answer is the former, instead of the latter.

You can’t explain away hateful words or physical violence, and if you find yourself blaming someone else for your abusive behavior, you might be a bully. Resorting to violent or intimidating tactics to belittle someone, or rob them of their rights or self-worth in unacceptable. There are better paths to choose from, and accepting responsibility is the first step towards those paths.

Frequently Losing Your Temper.

Bullying stems from fear and insecurity. Part of the fear a bully feels, is losing control of their own emotions. This causes an emotional unbalancing to occur, and contributes to tremendous emotional strain as well. All of this makes the bully lash out more frequently.

If you find yourself losing your temper and reacting in a hurtful manner, then you need to find the underlying cause of your anger and confront it. Classes for anger management are very helpful, as is talking to someone who will listen to you, and help you get those emotions under control again.

Acting Superior To Others.

A bully likes to feel like they are better than someone else. It is a form of control that dehumanizes others and makes them feel inferior to the bully. They manipulate that feeling to justify their actions, and make themselves feel better.

It takes understanding and a bit of empathy to realize that no one is intrinsically superior to anyone else. Every single person on this planet has something that they are good at, or can contribute to society, even if you can’t see it.

Being Intolerant Of Differences In Others.

As a species, we humans love to interact with others who we identify with. Whether it is religious, political, or social groups, we tend to sort ourselves into “tribes” and anyone who isn’t a part of our “tribe” is considered a threat. Again, this stems from fear. Fear of something different, and misplaced anger at the person or group whose views are separate from yours.

This big, beautiful world has billions of people in it, and some are going to be different from you. That’s a good thing! We need different perspectives, ideas, and dreams to make the word a diverse place, and we need to accept that difference is imperative for growth. Rather than responding in an accusatory way and jumping to conclusions about someone’s opinions or beliefs, try to understand why they believe those things in the first place.


 Bullying is wrong in all ramification. Bullying is something that should not be tolerated, and if you see these signs of bad behavior in yourself, then it’s time for a few changes to take place. Before you react, count to five, breathe and reassess the situation. Take a few minutes to place yourself in someone else’s shoes before saying or doing something that could make them feel like less of a person.


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